Counselling for Sex Addiction, London Howard Martin

Healthy Sexuality and Recovery

There may be as many definitions of what healthy sex is as there are recovering sex addicts. How you define healthy sex and recovery from sex addiction is ultimately your choice and nobody else has the right to define it for you.

This definition can be confusing in early recovery however and in therapy I can help you work out what is addictive for you and therefore what expression of sexuality would be the happiest for you. This process would probably begin with eliminating those behaviours that you find problematic or cause you the most shame. There would also be examination of why you find certain aspects of sex shameful - is it necessary or helpful to feel this way and might old, hidden sex-negative beliefs be holding you back? (I am able to refer to specialists in the instance of sexually offending behaviours are.)

Healthy sexual behaviours for recovering sex addicts tend to be:

* Those that don't cause harm to yourself or others.

* Not secretive (as opposed to private).

* Behaviours that don't leave you feeling shame and remorse.

* Not used to soothe, or escape from, uncomfortable emotional states such as anger, depression, anxiety, stress etc..

* Leave you feeling connected and happy with other people, rather than lonely and isolated.

Sex addicts will commonly ask “Do I have to live like a monk/nun?”. The answer is “Certainly not!” Celibacy is the complete withdrawal from any form of sex and is not the long term goal, instead abstinence from the behaviours that you find addictive is the process and goal. There is a common misconception that because an activity is not mainstream, that it is addictive, this is not necessarily so. I will help you identify what is right for you, whatever you consider to be your identity or orientation; heterosexual, bi, gay, lesbian, queer, trans, kinky – or otherwise!

Recovery from sexual addiction is about reclaiming your sexuality rather than denying it.


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